Impractical Masquerades

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There is a Halloween episode of The Adventures of Pete and Pete. In said episode, Larger Pete is getting too old for trick or treating and stuff, so he thinks Halloween is lame. He hasn’t quite gotten to the point where Halloween is a party day, or old enough to just simply not give a shit, so he’s all mad. This intrigues a group of miscreants called The Pumpkin Eaters, who are, naturally, led by Endless Mike. They wreak havoc and stuff, and Big Pete does not join them and ends up helping Little Pete set a trick-or-treating record.

This is not about all that, though. This is about The Pumpkin Eaters. Here’s the thing about them; their choice for how to hide their identities is impractical. They wear pumpkins on their heads, all jack-o-lantern style. This doesn’t make sense for several reasons. First, it is time consuming. They had to carve the pumpkins out, and get all the gunk out of them. Otherwise, their heads would be getting all gunky. Second, they are large and cumbersome. Imagine trying to move around with a pumpkin on your head? It’s all clunky and stuff. Also, they are easily breakable. You break your pumpkin, you need a new one.

I will grant it to The Pumpkin Eaters that it gives them a notable aesthetic. However, there are so many other ways to cover their faces. So many masks they could buy. I bet they could even find a pumpkin mask. Instead, they went with real pumpkins. I suppose nobody said they were bright, especially not Endless Mike.

 

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Mystery Bands Not Involving ? Or The Mysterians

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So, in order to have a short post, I was going to post a music video and be done with it. It has dudes from 90′s Nickelodeon in it. The premise is basically that there’s this band, see, and their neighbor is Marc Summers, and he is not cool with the noise. For the record, I’m on Summers’ side here, because I am not a “groovy” teen, but an adult who respects people’s right to peace of mind and a sense of personal space and quietude. Anyway, this band, bunch of dicks they are, decide revenge must be had.

Who do they help them get revenge? Why, three more Nickelodeon dudes, all redheads also. There’s Mike Maronna, aka Big Pete. Also, the dude who played Bobby Budnick on Salute Your Shorts, and Ferguson from Clarissa Explains It All. They run a gamut. Maronna looks similar, but just older, like your typical human being. Budnick looks alarmingly the same. Like, he hasn’t grown at all and his hair is still long and it creates a real disconnect in me, a human who understands the passage of time. Ferguson looks super different, with a shaved head and stuff. Anyway, they helps them get revenge or whatever, even though, if anybody should be getting revenge, it’s Summers, but the world is a cruel, unforgiving place, even in obscure music videos by obscure bands.

However, I could not find the video on YouTube. Is the probably that I don’t remember the band’s name, or the song’s name? Probably. I’m sure it’s on there. YouTube never dies. I could have maybe searched on a searching engine and maybe found it, but I didn’t bother. Did I really care that much about showing you all this music video? I mean, I don’t even really like it all that much. It’s just related to the 90′s is all, and there is a degree of curiosity factor to it, and perhaps an amusement factor in concept if not in execution. So I just decided to let it be. It’s out there somewhere, for those who deign to search. I hope they find what they are looking for.

 

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Vinnie Stoker, The Cool Dracula

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What if I were to say to you that there was a cartoon about a school full of funky, freaky monsters? Draculas and Frankensteins and such. There was such a show, and it was called Gravedale High. At the center, was a regular dude teacher. Guess who played him? What if I told you he was a nebbish? That’s right, Rick Moranis.

Moranis plays Max Schneider, who is basically a Mr. Kotter type, only he’s not being welcomed back. Jonathan Winters was also a voice. And some other noted voice actors. The most important thing to know is that Vinnie Stoker was both a vampire, and basically The Fonz. A 50′s greaser vampire! The wonders! This is basically the greatest idea I’ve ever heard. How did this only last 13 episodes? Probably because people weren’t interested in it and the ratings were bad.

 

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I’m Gonna Be The Man Who Writes This Blog Post

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We are at around 500 blog posts over 500 consecutive days. I don’t have an exact number, but it has to be around 500. That’s a nice round number. It has not just one zero, but two, and also a five. Throw in a one and it would be the perfect number for arbitrary milestones. So, I tried to think of a bit of pop culture from the 90′s related to the number 500. Powerman 5000 is so close, and yet so far.

The first thing that came to mind was the song “500 Miles,” because I saw Inside Llewyn Davis, and I enjoyed it. Then, I remembered “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)” by The Proclaimers. You know that song. It’s the one by the two Scottish twin dudes who were all like “I would walk 500 miles…” and so on and so forth. However, I figured that song was from the 80′s. And I was right, it was released in 1988. Ah, but it is still very much a bit of 90′s pop culture, at least in America.

For you see, it did not hit the charts in America until 1993. Then, it hit it hard, rising to number three in these United States. Why did this song suddenly hit big in this country five years after its release? Because of Benny & Joon. That movie, which featured Johnny Depp, included the song, and the rest is history. I wrote 500 blog posts (probably) but I will not write 500 more. I will write an indeterminate amount more. If my writing prospects and work prospects leave me having the time to write another 500 blog posts here on EPP, something has gone awry.

 

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The Rich Man’s Ryan Leaf

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Last night, Peyton Manning set an NFL record for the most career passing touchdowns. He is a great quarterback, and also quite prominent in pop culture too. He’s hosted SNL and done, like, a million commercials. However, that wasn’t really in the 90′s. He was only drafted in 1998, and wasn’t a big star until the 2000′s. That’s not the 90′s. It exists in direct opposition to the 90′s. So, I decided to go back to the week that Peyton Manning was drafted, and to see what the number one song in the nation was.

The draft happened on April 18 and 19, in the olden times when the draft was two days, and it went all day both days. The number one song at that time? “All My Life” by K-Ci and JoJo. One time I used that song at the end of an episode of Existential Parachute Pants, and Seth did not recognize it. I remember the song quite well though. It was a smooth R&B love song about a dude finding his true love. It’s all like, “All my life, I’ve prayed for someone like you/And I thank God/That I finally found you.” That’s the only lyric I remember. It also could, in a way, describe how Indianapolis Colts fans felt about Manning! Also, Broncos fans maybe? Probably. He’s been super good for them.

I just wish that the draft had happened a month earlier so the number one song would have been “Gettin’ Jiggy with It.” I’ve also sung that at the end of an episode. I mean, we’ve done 65 episodes. I’ve done a lot of song lyrics. Nana na nana na na/Nana nana na na

 

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Return Of Return Of The Rentals

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Naturally, my go to Pandora station is Pavement, and sometimes a band called The Rentals pops up. They songs that have played I have enjoyed quite a bit, so I looked into them. Then, I found out that The Rentals are a project of former Weezer bassist Matt Sharp. Also, Maya Rudolph was in the band for a period of time. So, in short, The Rentals are pretty good, from what I’ve heard. Weezer? Less so. Matt Sharp’s better band is The Rentals.

Here’s to another short football season post!

 

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