Ace must find out what happen to the salmon.

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Did you know there was an Ace Ventura: Pet Detective animated series? I just found out. It aired for two seasons on CBS, and then, inexplicably, it got a third season in 1999-2000 on Nickelodeon. Of course, it’s only inexplicable because the first two seasons ran from 1996-1997. Well, one episode aired in 1995. It was the first episode of the Ace Ventura animated series. Also, it was a Christmas episode.

Yes, Ace Ventura’s very first episode was a Christmas episode. He helps Santa find his reindeer. Hey, let me just, word for word, give you the synopsis somebody put on Wikipedia: Ace is called on by Santa to find his reindeer, on Christmas eve! When Ace discovers that it is a famous perfume lady, Atrocia Odora. He has to saved them before Christmas.

There are a lot of them like this. Whoever the dude is that put these synopses on Wikipedia did not do a great job being coherent. Maybe English is their second language? I don’t know. All I know is that there is an episode called Thunderballrighty Then. Also, Ace Ventura is an awful movie. Like, I thought this as a child, and as an adult I have a much more discerning, mature, reasoned opinion on films. It’s just dumb. I cannot speak to the animated series, including but not limited to the way it portrayed Christmas.

 

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Existential Parachute Pants: A 90′s Pop Culture Podcast – Episode 74: Christmas TV Specials

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Boo! Welcome to our Christmas episode. We were joined by J.M. McNab from Rewatchability for a wide ranging conversation covering various television specials as well as Christmas episodes of many a 90s television show. Do we talk about Home Improvement? Do you even need to ask?

Thanks to J.M. for joining us. You can find him, and his Rewatchability podcast, on Twitter at @Rewatchability. Now, as for our own, traditional links…

iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/existential-parachute-pants/id680253940 Would it kill you to subscribe or rate the show or leave a comment? Maybe, but it’s worth the risk.

Twitter: @ExistentialPant, @ChrisXMorgan, @SethMacy It definitely won’t kill you to Twitter at us with your tweets. It, however, may leave a void in your soul you can never fill. Again, worth the risk.

The theme song remains “Her Favorite Bra” by Dan Emery Mystery Band. Thanks for listening, and may Robot Santa take mercy on you this holiday season.

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Treating Puppet Cat GIFs Like A Carton Of Cigarettes

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It is six days to Christmas, and, in honor of that, here are six GIFs of your hero and mine, the Salem puppet from Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Why am I doing this? One, I am taking the “smoke an entire carton of cigarettes” approach to quitting my clear addiction to these GIFs. Two, I’m busy, so busy, in fact, I can’t even finish this sentenc

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DrugCo’s Corporate Structure

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A lot of randos appeared on The Drew Carey Show. That show loved its guest stars, and also didn’t really care about continuity or logic, putting having fun and doing goofy stuff first. Daffy Duck is credited as playing himself, for example. However, two names stuck out for me, because they are very different people, but somewhat similar people, who played a similar role.

You know the character of Lewis, played by Ryan Stiles? He was a janitor at DrugCo, who made drugs and, thus, got into all sorts of shit. Animal mutations and people mutations and stuff. Two different people played his boss; Charles Nelson Reilly and Carmen Electra.

Reilly is, of course, best known for appearing on Match Game. He was a closeted gay gentleman who was fairly fey and would make winking references to his sexuality. He was a fringe pop cultural celebrity, but a beloved one. Electra is, of course, a body that technically is a host for a human person. She’s made her bones through sexually explicit bric-a-brac, nude photos and what have you. Neither of them were best known as “actors.” Electra can’t act worth a shit, only getting roles for her willingness to disrobe on camera, and due to the fact some people liked to see that. Reilly actually did some acting on stage. In the end, they both played the same role. Well, they played different roles that had the same role within the show. They were both hired because they were fringe, cult figures in the world of pop culture. That’s Drew Carey Show in a nutshell.

If only these two could have been morphed into a single character. A busty dame making silly double entendres while playing with her glasses. Oh, and I know, the cheap, easy, internet thing to do would be to put a photo of Carmen Electra on this post. You can see the decision that I made, and I stand by it.

 

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Chris Farley IS The Buddha Of Suburbia

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So I was poking around on the internet, reading about David Bowie, as one does. Bowie was on my mind because Spotify says I’ve listened to him a bunch, which feels true. He shows up in my Spotify Radio quite a bit, and also I listen to “Modern Love” a lot, because that song is great. I enjoy the movie Frances Ha largely because “Modern Love” plays over the end credits. Also, Greta Gerwig is really good in it.

Naturally, I started looking for something Bowie related from the 90s worth writing about. None of his movie stuff from the 90s is all that interesting. I mean, he played Andy Warhol in the movie Basquiat, but that’s not notable. Everybody plays Andy Warhol eventually. I think Andy Warhol said that. Then he died. However, then I looked at his musical output, and I realized that he made the soundtrack for some movie called The Buddha of Suburbia.

I don’t know what The Buddha of Suburbia is. I don’t really care. I tried to read about it a bit on the internets, but it seems pretty tedious and hard to parse, or harder than I felt was a worthy endeavor. However, the important thing is that Buddha of Suburbia is a funny name for a thing. I mean, it seems like a goofy comedy based on that name. Like Eddie Murphy’s Golden Child, but even sillier. Like, Chris Farley would have starred in The Buddha of Suburbia. A young Leah Remini would have played his love interest. Williams Atherton would be the bad guy. A dog would do a double take.

I doubt that’s what the real The Buddha of Suburbia is, though, but a man can dream. Like that dream I had where Basquiat was a cast member on Friends. I think he was in the Ross role, but I’m not sure. My dream didn’t do a good job of making it clear. Oh, I also don’t know anything about the music on the soundtrack, and I also don’t care about that.

 

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In Honor Of Swedish Medical Center

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Somehow, in over 500 episodes, I have not managed to really discuss Tom Green, a major figure, some would say a scourge, of 90s pop culture. If you do not remember Thomas “Tommy” “Tom” Green, for a brief moment, he was sort of the king of lowbrow comedy. He had a TV show on MTV. Basically, he’d go around being a dick. He’d be a dick to his parents. He’d be a dick to his friends. He’d be a dick to strangers. Then he’d do something gross, usually sexual. That was the gist of it. A guy named Phil Giroux would sit in a window drinking coffee and laughing.

Even Seth MacFarlane took some shots at him, and he doesn’t really have a leg to stand on himself! 13-year-old me is very annoyed at modern times me right now, what with all my potshots at Green and MacFarlane. To be fair to Green, he has sort of cooled his shit down, but so much of his 90s stuff was so dumb and obnoxious and barely qualifies as anything, let alone comedy. Also, he had a song, and it was super popular.

The song was entitled “Lonely Swedish (The Bum Bum Song).” I know you want me to stop, so we can go our separate ways happy. I won’t though. Basically, the song was about Green putting his “bum” on things. Things like cheese. It seems to be sort of an anti-comedy bit. It’s so dumb, but Green seems to know that. It’s just dumb nonsense, but it stays within the parameters of what he did, which was annoy people and be a moron.

It is one of the less annoying things he did, and honestly if I were to hear the song, I could tolerate it. I also want to take a moment and say not everything Green did was awful. Once he had a fake studio audience and he took a chainsaw to them replete with fake blood. Anyway, “Lonely Swedish” became a big hit with the kids. It went all the way up to number one on TRL. You remember Total Request Live? A repository for screaming tween girls who love LFO? For whatever reason,  in my dreams it was rabble rousing irony, but it may have just been dumb teens being dumb, it reached number one on the charts. Admittedly, this is still probably the best thing to ever happen on TRL.

When it aired at number one, Tom Green retired the song from TRL. Apparently, it was because the next week’s shows were pretaped, not truly live, and the executives had not planned for the popularity of “Lonely Swedish.” If true, that’s funny. That’s the funniest thing about Tom Green.

 

You can find Chris Morgan on the Twitter

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