Welcome To The Rock

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In honor of Scotland’s vote for independence, and my need to have something to write about, I decided I would discuss the work of Scotland’s preeminent actor, Sean Connery. Or, at the very least, his work in the 90′s.

Things were bookended nicely, starting with Hunt for Red October in 1990 and ending with Entrapment in 1999. Well, I haven’t seen either of these movies, but I still feel the bookends are solid, historically speaking. He was nominated for a BAFTA for Hunt for Red October, and it is a generally well accepted movie, whereas Entrapment will at least always be remembered because of that scene where Catherine Zeta-Jones goes through all those lasers, and all the parodies thereof. By the way, if I may take a moment to address something that really irks me, Catherine Zeta-Jones is not Hispanic or Latino, people. She is Welsh. WELSH. I don’t know how so many people got it in their brains that she is a Latina in some capacity.

Mr. Connery played both King Richard the Lionheart AND King Arthur. He was also in Dragonheart, which is similar to a Lionheart. Also, he was in The Rock. And Highlander II: The Quickening. The Quickening!

And he was in some other stuff. Oh, one of them is that The Avengers movie with Uma Thurman and Ralph Fiennes. That movie got nominated for so many Razzies. Good times. Or bad times. Either or. Also, I think maybe, just maybe, Thurman’s body was digitally altered on the poster.

Long live Sean Connery. Long live Scotland.

 

You can find Chris Morgan on the Twitter

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My Tomato!

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Taco Bell did all sorts of things in the 90′s. A dog sold their food. Godzilla sold their food. Shaq got Taco Neck Syndrome. Also, there was some commercial with song parodies in it.

I’ve discussed these kind of things before, because for whatever reason they’ve stuck with me. There were a couple that Nick at Nite did. I remember the I Dream of Jeannie one distinctively. Taco Bell had a few parody songs, but they didn’t really sell anything specific. Just, like, Mexican food related stuff. The only one I remember is the one that was a parody of “Dance with Me” which was about sour cream. It went “Sour cream/I want to top your taco/can’t you see?” I looked this stuff up on the internet, and, if the internet is to be believed, there was also a parody of “My Sharona” called “My Tomato” and, evidently, if a person on the internet is not misremembering, a “Macho Man” parody called “Nacho Man.”

I mean, this makes sense, but the thing is, The Simpsons had a Nacho Man joke too. It was awesome, because Homer was wearing a nacho hat, eating it, and singing “Nacho Man.” Anyway, it didn’t make me want to eat Taco Bell, although I ate a lot of it. It was my preferred fast foodery, but I haven’t eaten it in nigh a decade, for I stopped eating such things many years ago. Also, I never really liked sour cream, and didn’t really want it to top my taco.

 

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You Are Either Rockin’ Or Jammin’

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Evidently, music was so prominent vis a vis That 70′s Show that they decided to release a soundtrack in 1999. The show came on in 1998, for further clarification, although this sort of makes sense. They still sold albums in the 90′s, and these are basically compilation albums of 90′s music. Oh yeah, I didn’t mention that they released two of them on the same day.

The bifurcation was simple. There was That 70′s Album (Rockin’) and That 70′s Album (Jammin’). Basically, there was an album for rockin’ AND a separate album if you were in the mood for jammin’. If you want to do both of those, then no dice. Jammin’ is stuff like “Play That Funky Music” and “Jungle Boogie.” Rockin’ opens with two Cheap Trick songs, and, in an attempt to get my vote, ends with Big Star’s “September Gurls.” In a sense, it begins and ends with Big Star songs, because the album opener “In the Street” by Cheap Trick, is a cover of a Big Star song. Cheap Trick’s version is better.

The Rockin’ album is the better of the two, in my opinion. I think the song choice is better, Ted Nugent aside, and I always feel it is more resonant with the ethos of That 70′s Show. None of them were really funky. They were definitely rocking. I mean, Hyde is totally rocking. I feel like Eric fits that bill, and probably Donna too. I don’t even think Jackie and Kelso would do much jammin’. I figure, like, they’d listen to poppier stuff, you know?

Either way, December boys got it bad. Get down tonight.

 

You can find Chris Morgan on the Twitter

 

 

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I Have Heard A More Amusing Anecdote

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I have another brief anecdote from my human life. It is related to pop culture. I bought a Kottonmouth Kings album once. You may know them. They are a sort of rap-rock group that is very marijuana centric. It just took me a lot of tries to type marijuana right, even though I am not high on drugs. When I purchased this album, which was their debut album Royal Highness, I was not a marijuana enthusiast. Beyond that, I actually didn’t know that KMK were so reefer heavy. I had just heard the song “Bump” and liked it and they said “fuck” and this should give you a sense of my age at the time. You know, now that I think of it, I am not sure how I got my hands on this album. It’s parental advisory labeled, and I most definitely wasn’t 18 when I bought this. This is a real mystery. Maybe I just looked 18? Maybe the person who sold it to me didn’t give a shit? Anyway, eventually I got tired of having it in my automobile. I just left it in the parking lot of the place where I played hockey. I don’t know if anybody picked it up. In a way, I hope they did, so it didn’t go to waste. In a way, I hope they didn’t, because it is a stupid album. I decided to make this all one paragraph about halfway through. People love blocks of text. And blocks in general. The first song on Royal Highness is called “Bong Tokin’ Alcoholics.” I take back past statements. This is a VERY stupid album.

 

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Surge Is Terrible, Also Back!

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I bet you never thought this day would come. But it has. Yes, this is not a post by Chris, instead it’s a post by me, Seth. Surge is coming back and the internet is so goddamn excited about it, it’s as though they’re willing to overlook how awful that soda was. Generally popular and delicious products don’t get discontinued after just 5 years. But here we are, collectively pretending that the soda that was designed by beverageticians to compete with Mountain Dew was somehow the nectar of the Gods. It wasn’t. It was shitty and tons of other sodas (or “pops,” if you’re from a place that calls soda “pop’) had comparable levels of caffeine, or higher.

Anyway, I wrote about it for IGN, which you should read.

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And Some Flapjacks

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So I just watched the movie The ‘Burbs. It was surprising, because I found myself with the time to watch a movie during football season. Sometimes life is full of surprises! Anyway, it was a delayed continuation of my Joe Dante kick, and it is a good movie, but it is also from the 80′s, so it is off the table.

However, the guy who gave the best performance in The ‘Burbs, to me, was a gentle man naked Rick Ducommun. This is notable because, you know, Tom Hanks and Bruce Dern and some others are in the movies. Others like Dick Miller! Anyway, so I decided to look up Mr. Ducommun on the IMDb to see what else he did, and he’s had a fine career.

I mean, he was in Encino Man, but that’s not what I am here to talk about. He’s also in Gremlins 2, but in a small role. Really, this is about two films; Groundhog Day and Blank Check. In Groundhog Day, he’s one of those two dudes that Bill Murray gets drunk with and drives on the railroad tracks with. It’s a good, small performance. Well, he’s a big, broad performer, but the role is small. Then, in Blank Check, he’s the chauffeur. I remember basically nothing from that film, but I remember him saying “You know what you’ve got? S-T-Y-L-E, style!” So, good for him.

Good for us all.

 

You can find Chris Morgan on the Twitter

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