I created a best Simpsons characters bracket for a website I write for. However, as you may be able to tell now that the time for pop culture brackets has passed, it didn’t run. I originally created it as a 64 character bracket, because The Simpsons can sustain it, but they asked me to cut it down to 32, which I did. Then they didn’t run it anyway. So, here is the 32 person bracket, plus a list of the 64 original names.
Moe’s Tavern Region
Homer Simpson – Local character of note
Abraham Simpson – Wore an onion on his belt, which was the style at the time
Ralph Wiggum – Bent his wookie
Ned Flanders – Neighborino
Moe Szyslak – Ugly, hate filled man
Dr. Nick Riviera – The extra “b” is for “bargain”
Lenny Leonard – Loves Carl, hates getting pudding in eye
Carl Carlson – Loves Carl, Iceland
Springfield Nuclear Power Plant Region
Mr. Burns – Once blocked out the Sun
Chief Wiggum – Bake ‘em away, toys
Mayor Quimby – No longer illiterate
Maggie Simpson – Shot Mr. Burns, and some others
Lionel Hutz – Hasn’t slept for days
Waylon Smithers – Owns one of Judy Garland’s suits
Cletus Spuckler – Slack-jawed yokel
Fat Tony – Pretzel Wagon benefactor
Springfield Elementary School Region
Bart Simpson – Underachiever and proud of it
Principal Skinner – Steams a good ham
Milhouse Van Houten – Likes Vaseline on toast
Edna Krabappel – Was a very depressed child
Sideshow Bob – Evil genius with a surprisingly good singing voice
Nelson Muntz – Wants to nuke the whales
Superintendent Chalmers – Often exasperated with SKINNNER!
Groundskeeper Willie – Angry, drunken Scot
Krusty the Clown – Embittered comedy legend
Marge Simpson – TV mom whose hair is large
Lisa Simpson – The smart Simpson
Troy McClure – You may remember him from many things
Apu Nahasapeemapetilon – Love this country more than Homer loves a cold beer on a hot Christmas morning
In the time of chimpanzees, we recorded a podcast about Beck’s output in the 90s. Yes, we talk about “Loser,” but we also talk a lot about Midnite Vultures and that episode of Futurama he was in. Take that New Age Radicals.
Sports doesn’t really fall into the realm of pop culture, but I will work it back and tie things in and figure everything out. You know, really thematically resonant stuff. Anyway, there is a gentleman in the NHL who is a head coach. His name is Bob Hartley. He coaches the Calgary Flames, and he’s a good coach. He started with the Colorado Avalanche, who became a team in the 90s after the Quebec Nordiques moved, and won a Cup with them. He got the Atlanta Thrashers to the playoffs, the only guy to do so. Also, would you guess that he’s French Canadian? You know, with the name Bob Hartley?
There’s also an old sitcom called The Bob Newhart Show. I’ve written about it before, because I like it, and I’ve seen four seasons of it. However, even though it’s called The Bob Newhart Show, because it stars Bob Newhart, that’s not his characters name. Sure, he plays a Bob, but the character’s name is Bob Hartley.
I remember Bob Hartley, the hockey coach, from the day he joined the NHL. I watched The Bob Newhart Show as a kid, and have generally been familiar with it for years, and have watched it recently. It only just dawned on me that these two have the same name.
On Newhart, another show starring Bobby Newz, which lasted into 1990, he straight up dropped his entire name and became Dick Loudon. Then, for the short-lived 90s sitcom Bob, he naturally went back to being a Bob, but Bob McKay.
Oh, the olden days of shows being named after the stars, but the stars then having a different name within the show. Mary Tyler Moore. Dick Van Dyke. Now that would just serve to CONFUSE people. You know what I blame this on the breakdown of? Society.
The Wayne’s World movies, and I suppose the sketches on SNL, brought a lot of things into our lexicon. Phrases, but also concepts and ideas and pop culture like “Bohemian Rhapsody.” However, perhaps more than anything else, they pimped hockey to a delightful degree.
I love hockey, and in my youth, when I saw the Wayne’s World movies for the first time, I loved it even more. Mike Myers is Canadian, so it isn’t surprising hockey is in his blood. So hockey stuff shows up a lot in the movies. They go to Stan Mikita’s Donuts, although that’s just a play on Tim Horton’s. Mikita was a much better player, though. However, most notably, they helped popularize the phrase, “Game on.”
If you are a person who played hockey in the street at any point after that movie, you said “Game on,” on multiple occasions. They even play the soundbite at hockey games indoors, if there is a long break or something. It’s no “Schwing!,” but it is more practical, and more applicable. Or maybe not. It’s certainly less douchey to use un-ironically.
I almost posted a video of Kent Brockman reporting on the assassination of a squirrel that looks like Abe Lincoln. I was reminded of this because, you know, of the anniversary of the actual assassination of an actual human. It felt, not so much inappropriate or “too soon” or anything, but like I may come across as some naughty little imp trying to be bawdy or some dumb bullshit. Like, somebody making a Lincoln joke just to try and “be edgy” would be inane and lazy and dumb, and that’s not how I roll. Perhaps my favorite joke from Army Man is “They can kill the Kennedys. Why can’t they make a cup of coffee that tastes good?” Substance and context matters.
So, in short, here’s a different Kent Brockman video: