Existential Parachute Pants: A 90′s Pop Culture Podcast

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Wherein I Am Very Much Impressed

Posted by on Apr 16, 2014 in Existential Parachute Pants | 0 comments


Are you familiar with Shania Twain’s album Come On Over? You are, let me assure you. You remember it, you remember at least a few songs, and you probably know it was successful. However, I just looked it up on the Wikipedia, and man (I feel like a woman) it was super successful. We’re talking some Cracked Rear View type shit here.

It was the number one country album in the US of A for 50 weeks. Not consecutively, but still. It was in the top 10 for 151 weeks. That’s almost three years. It became the highest selling country album ever, the highest selling album by a Canadian ever (take that, Anne Murray) and the highest selling album by a WOMAN ever. More than any Madonna album. More than any Mariah Carey album. It is reported that it sort 40 million copies worldwide. It went platinum 20 times over. The album has 16 songs, and 12 of them were released as singles. Singles were being released from 1997 until the year 2000. That is bananas.

Here’s the thing, though, as far as I am concerned. The album isn’t all that good, really. “Man! I Feel Like a Woman” and “That Don’t Impress Me Much” are songs I don’t really like. This being said, I did not decide to write this so I can just be all like “People love Come On Over, but I think they are stupid.” What I do want to say is “You’re Still the One” is a really good song. I still like that one. It’s a nice love ballad. Of course, it was also written by Twain and her then husband Mutt Lange about their relationship. Lange also produced the song, because he is a very successful producer. Then they got divorced in 2010. So that song is, you know, no longer up to date. Still sounds really good, though.


You can find Chris Morgan on the Twitter.

Leslie Nielsen And David Cronenberg Intersect

Posted by on Apr 15, 2014 in Existential Parachute Pants | 0 comments


You know, sometimes Canada produces its own pop culture. Seriously. Then, sometimes, they laud themselves for it, just like they do in other countries, such as America. For example, they have their own movie award show. Of course, they only seem to have one, as opposed to the US of A, where we have about 50. In Canada, they’ve got the Genie Awards

Perusing the history of the Genies, I’ve heard of very few of these films, and very few of the actors. Canada is a whole different world, man. I used to live in Michigan too, where we got Canadian television, so I have some knowledge of Canadian culture. I’ve seen ads for Men With Brooms. I’ve seen ads for The Lighting Boutique. The latter is just a store that sells lighting fixtures, but the point is I know Canadian stuff.

Anyway, and naturally, Leslie Nielsen hosted the show twice. I bet he was pretty alright at it. He hosted in 1991 and 1992. In 1992, David Cronenberg’s Naked Lunch was the big winner. It got 11 nominations, and took a few, including Best Picture. Cronenberg also won for Dead Ringers. The Genies love Cronenberg. On the other hand, the only reason I’ve heard of Naked Lunch is because of a Simpsons joke about it. That’s not nothing, but it also isn’t based on the merits of the movie itself.

Leslie Nielsen was never on The Simpsons somehow. He did search for The Undertaker, though. And he hosted the Genie Awards. Not for nothing.


You can find Chris Morgan on the Twitter.

Clint Howard Ruins MTV’s Fun, And For The Better

Posted by on Apr 14, 2014 in Existential Parachute Pants | 0 comments


The MTV Movie Awards were this weekend. I have not watched it… maybe ever. The only MTV award show I can definitely remember watching is that MTV Music Awards where Fiona Apple gave that out there speech. The MTV Movie Awards, these days, give their awards to the most popular YA adaptation going on, right now it is Hunger Games stuff, but back in the day they’d give out all sort of weird awards. They also used to give out Lifetime Achievement Awards. Until Clint Howard put a stop to that.

This award was clearly a joke the moment it was given to Jason Vorhees in 1992, the first time it was handed out. Godzilla won in 1996, two years before he came back in his 1998 return vehicle, which we just discussed on the podcast. Chewbacca won one. So, that’s the kind of thing they did. They also gave one to Jackie Chan, which seems odd, and Richard Roundtree, which seems really odd. Even in 1994, how many teenagers were into Shaft, and wanted to see Shaft rewarded, even ironically?

Then, Clint Howard won in 1998. You know Clint Howard. Ron Howard’s brother. Generally considered to be an odd looking dude. I wouldn’t argue with that assessment. He shows up in a lot of small parts in stuff. He played Eaglebauer in Rock ‘N’ Roll High School, which is a feather in anybody’s cap. Part of the joke that night was that everybody kept saying “Clint,” which would make you assume it was Clint Eastwood. It wasn’t though. It was Cliff Howard. The Price is Right horn.

It was all going smoothly, and then Clint Howard got really enthused. He got emotional. He was happy. Was it a bit? Probably not. Nobody has said it was. Howard was just really happy to get an MTV Lifetime Achievement Award. And so, they retired it. They figured this was a good note to go out on. On Clint Howard being really happy to get an award he was given, in part, as a joke. That’s for the best.


You can find Chris Morgan on the Twitter.

Spring Break! Woo!

Posted by on Apr 13, 2014 in Existential Parachute Pants | 0 comments


In April, a young person’s thoughts turn to alcohol poisoning and varies diseases transmitted in a sexual nature. Or, as it is known in some circles, spring break. When I think of this collection of bacchanalian bullshit, I think, of course, about people being rolled up in a giant burrito on MTV.

Admittedly, I can’t say for certain I saw this in the 1990′s. MTV’s spring break coverage extended into the following decade, but I doubt I watched it. The late 90′s? That’s a time when I would have been interested in watching such nonsense. I’m sure there was various sexual dances and other stuff, but all I really remember is people being rolled up into a giant burrito.

I mean, I don’t need to explain it further. It was designed for a teenage audience too immature and stupid to handle anything genuinely sexual and not contrived stupidly, but too “grown up” to engage in any sort of “childish” things. So basically, it turned into sexual Double Dare. A dude and a lady got into a giant burrito, with burrito fixings, and then they got rolled up in it. So it is all messy and stuff but also there are two people in a giant burrito. This was a thing that happened on MTV to celebrate spring break.

This is all I have to say about spring break in general. It’s all about giant burritos being used as social and sexual lubricant. I don’t care how that sounds. I will fight you.

Hey guys. I looked this up on the internet. It definitely happened in 1999, and it was apparently called the “Fantasy Burrito.” That is a dumb name. It is a giant burrito. Nothing more, nothing less. Also, I just got the image from searching for giant burrito on the internet. It isn’t a sexual burrito. Not yet, at least. It can be. We can make it happen. We shouldn’t, but the possibility will live forever.


You can find Chris Morgan on the Twitter.

Existential Parachute Pants: A 90′s Pop Culture Podcast – Episode 38: Godzilla

Posted by on Apr 12, 2014 in Existential Parachute Pants | 0 comments


Do you like giant lizard things? Do you like Taco Bell tie-ins? Well then, this is the podcast episode for you! We discussed the 1998 Godzilla movie directed by Roland Emmerich. It stars Matthew Broderick. Puff Daddy is on the soundtrack. There is nothing more you need to know, but please listen anyway.


iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/existential-parachute-pants/id680253940 Please leave a comment, subscribe, and rate the show. Just one click of a star. That’s all we ask for.

Twitter: @ExistentialPant, @ChrisXMorgan, @SethMacy Feel free to hit any of those accounts up. Especially Seth’s. That dude is on Twitter doin’ the tweetin’ a lot.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/epp90 This is a thing that exists.

Go go go go go go go Godzilla. Thanks for listening.

With Ann B. Davis as Schultzy, a Trucker

Posted by on Apr 11, 2014 in Existential Parachute Pants | 0 comments


So, I’ve been watching season one of Cheers for the first time. One thing that I already know is that Diane is great, and Shelley Long is great, and why was she not able to become a bigger star? What happened there? She’s also good in Night Shift, but this isn’t about any of the good times for Long. It’s about the 90′s, so it’s about The Brady Bunch movies.

In the 90′s, they decided to make The Brady Bunch Movie. It’s ironic and campy and stuff. Basically, it takes the Bradys as they existed in the show and transported them to the 90′s. That is, admittedly, kind of clever. It is not without its charms, although I don’t know if it is enough meat for a full movie. Gary Cole plays Mike and Long plays Carol. Long is awesome as Carol. She’s the queen of the movie. Cole is good too, sure, but this is all about Shelley Long. The first movie had cameos from all the living Brady Bunch stars. Ann B. Davis, who played Alice in the show, plays a trucker named Schultzy. That’s kind of weird. In one of the two Brady Bunch movies, they use the song “Cut Your Hair” by Pavement. And that was the first time I heard what is now my favorite band.

A Very Brady Sequel is basically the time the show went to Hawaii, but then with some other nonsense thrown in there with Carol’s husband turning out to be actually alive. He isn’t, though. Tim Matheson is a con man. In a previous episode of the EPP podcast, I said it was Rob Lowe. I was incorrect. I also am getting the feeling like I’ve written about The Brady Bunch movies before. Maybe, maybe not. I think I at least mentioned that Pavement anecdote before in a post about hearing The Flaming Lips on the Batman Forever soundtrack. It’s all starting to run together.

Anyway, things got so bleak that Long ended up in a TV movie wherein Mike and Carol are PRESIDENT AND VICE PRESIDENT OF THESE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. Long was the best thing about one of the most beloved sitcoms of all time, and her most notable role besides Diane is playing Carol Brady in joke movies.


You can find Chris Morgan on the Twitter.

Rappin’ Stephen Colbert

Posted by on Apr 10, 2014 in Existential Parachute Pants | 0 comments


Stephen Colbert just for the job as David Letterman’s replacement at The Late Show. While I love The Colbert Report, I’m fine with this, because Colbert is one of the comedic geniuses of our time, and now he will get a whole extra half hour, and a whole extra day of the week. I’ve already written about Strangers with Candy, a show that co-starred Colbert, on this blog, but there is another Colbert-based rabbit hole I can go down.

Back before he was one of the biggest stars on television, Colbert was just a dude with a Second City background and a burgeoning career. It was at this point he appeared on the Drew Carey-hosted version of Whose Line is it Anyway?, the short-form improv show that introduced improv to a lot of people. He only appeared twice, but those two appearances have become lore, because he’s Stephen Colbert, and here he is doing very goofy, silly, hit-or-miss improv.

Somebody uploaded 10 minutes of Colbert on Whose Line on YouTube. They also spelled the title of the show as “Whose Line is is Anyways?,” so there’s that.

Long live Stephen Colbert.


You can find Chris Morgan on the Twitter.

Misinformation From Batman Villains

Posted by on Apr 9, 2014 in Existential Parachute Pants | 0 comments


In Batman & Robin, the least of all Batman films, Mr. Freeze, brought to life by Arnold Schwarzenegger, asks a simple question: What killed the dinosaurs? Of course, he does not expect an answer, and in fact answers himself. “The Ice Age!” he quips, before probably freezing some dudes, as is his raison d’etre.

However, as we all know, the Ice Age did not kill the dinosaurs. This is false information being provided by Mr. Freeze. This dinosaur quip just doesn’t work. Now, if he were Meteor Man, who is a real character who had a movie in the 90′s starring Robert Townshend, then he could make something work. Alas, he’s Mr. Freeze, and even though the Ice Age led to some extinctions, it just isn’t the same.

Here’s what really is goat getting, though. Mr. Freeze is a scientist. He assuredly knows that the Ice Age didn’t kill the dinosaurs, that they were long dead before that. And yet he still pulls this shit. He willfully misrepresented the history of our planet for some dumb quip. Truly, he is the most monstrous of all Batman villains.


You can find Chris Morgan on the Twitter.

Joey Goes Hollywood

Posted by on Apr 8, 2014 in Existential Parachute Pants | 0 comments


For reasons that must be kept under wraps for now, I’ve been reading and thinking about beach party movies recently, which basically means reading a lot about Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello. After time, and the biz, had passed them by, they kept making cameos together in places such as Troop Beverly Hills, the movie that should have made Shelley Long a star because Shelley Long is the best and you are all monsters for not making her the world’s biggest star. They also appeared in an episode of Full House called “Joey Goes Hollywood.”

This episode aired in season four, and was the 91st episode of Full House. In this episode, Joey auditions for a sitcom called Surf’s Up. I’m not sure why. Maybe for an episode he though he was a future character called Joey Tribbiani? Anyway, Frankie and Annette star in this sitcom. Because in the 90′s, if you had a sitcom about the beach, you’d want it to star a couple of aging folks. I mean, I’m cool with it, but this is the biz we’re talking about. The biz is unkind.

Anyway, I don’t know what happens. I imagine Joey doesn’t get the part. Also, in this episode, Stephanie wants to change her first name because she is being taunted. But who is taunting her, and why? How do you taunt somebody about the name Stephanie? I don’t know, and I’m an inventive person.

I just wish Surf’s Up had gone to series. That would have been really interesting. Or a good spinoff.


You can find Chris Morgan on the Twitter.

Butterbean and Hubris

Posted by on Apr 7, 2014 in Existential Parachute Pants | 0 comments


The WWE just had their 30th Wrestlemania, Wrestlemania XXX. I can only assume it was the most pornographic Wrestlemania ever, and that’s saying something, because this is professional wrestling, and there used to be a guy whose gimmick was he was a wrestling porn star. So, even though I briefly brought up the WWF in yesterday’s rumination on Karate Fighters, I wanted to bring up wrestling again. Then, when I looked at the card for Wrestlemania XV, the one in 1999, I realized that was the year of Butterbean and Brawl for All.

Let me tell you about Brawl for All. For starters, it was an awful idea. It was a way to work shoots, or real fights, into the world of the WWF. Because people came to the spectacle of pro wrestling for warmed over boxing matches. It went badly, for multiple reasons. Dudes, naturally, were getting hurt. Savio Vega’s career basically got ended. Dan Servern, a former MMA fighter, said he was kicked out of the tournament, out of fear he’d win or really hurt somebody, I assume. The talk was that this tournament was, in a way, an attempt to push the newly acquired “Dr. Death” Steve Williams. He got knocked out by Bart Gunn. Or, as he is also known, the guy from The Smoking Gunns who wasn’t Billy Gunn. Nobody gave a shit about Bart Gunn.

And he won it all. Fans were bored. Dudes got hurt. And Bart Gunn won it all. Then, it was decided that Gunn would fight Butterbean at Wrestlemania XV. If you don’t know who Butterbean is, he’s a big fat boxer. That was his whole schtick. He was fat and bald and he fought glorified tough guy boxing matches but he often won. Still, now he would go up against Bart Gunn, at the granddaddy of them all. Bart Gunn got knocked out in 35 seconds. By Butterbean. At Wrestlemania.

This was the lowlight of Wrestlemania XV, and this was the year that Undertaker hanged Big Bossman. Oh, professional wrestling. You so crazy.


You can find Chris Morgan on the Twitter.