Existential Parachute Pants: A 90′s Pop Culture Podcast

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Treating Puppet Cat GIFs Like A Carton Of Cigarettes

Posted by on Dec 19, 2014 in Existential Parachute Pants | 0 comments

It is six days to Christmas, and, in honor of that, here are six GIFs of your hero and mine, the Salem puppet from Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Why am I doing this? One, I am taking the “smoke an entire carton of cigarettes” approach to quitting my clear addiction to these GIFs. Two, I’m busy, so busy, in fact, I can’t even finish this sentenc

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You can find Chris Morgan on the Twitter

DrugCo’s Corporate Structure

Posted by on Dec 18, 2014 in Existential Parachute Pants | 0 comments

Match game  Charles Nelson Reilly

A lot of randos appeared on The Drew Carey Show. That show loved its guest stars, and also didn’t really care about continuity or logic, putting having fun and doing goofy stuff first. Daffy Duck is credited as playing himself, for example. However, two names stuck out for me, because they are very different people, but somewhat similar people, who played a similar role.

You know the character of Lewis, played by Ryan Stiles? He was a janitor at DrugCo, who made drugs and, thus, got into all sorts of shit. Animal mutations and people mutations and stuff. Two different people played his boss; Charles Nelson Reilly and Carmen Electra.

Reilly is, of course, best known for appearing on Match Game. He was a closeted gay gentleman who was fairly fey and would make winking references to his sexuality. He was a fringe pop cultural celebrity, but a beloved one. Electra is, of course, a body that technically is a host for a human person. She’s made her bones through sexually explicit bric-a-brac, nude photos and what have you. Neither of them were best known as “actors.” Electra can’t act worth a shit, only getting roles for her willingness to disrobe on camera, and due to the fact some people liked to see that. Reilly actually did some acting on stage. In the end, they both played the same role. Well, they played different roles that had the same role within the show. They were both hired because they were fringe, cult figures in the world of pop culture. That’s Drew Carey Show in a nutshell.

If only these two could have been morphed into a single character. A busty dame making silly double entendres while playing with her glasses. Oh, and I know, the cheap, easy, internet thing to do would be to put a photo of Carmen Electra on this post. You can see the decision that I made, and I stand by it.

 

You can find Chris Morgan on the Twitter

Chris Farley IS The Buddha Of Suburbia

Posted by on Dec 17, 2014 in Existential Parachute Pants | 0 comments

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So I was poking around on the internet, reading about David Bowie, as one does. Bowie was on my mind because Spotify says I’ve listened to him a bunch, which feels true. He shows up in my Spotify Radio quite a bit, and also I listen to “Modern Love” a lot, because that song is great. I enjoy the movie Frances Ha largely because “Modern Love” plays over the end credits. Also, Greta Gerwig is really good in it.

Naturally, I started looking for something Bowie related from the 90s worth writing about. None of his movie stuff from the 90s is all that interesting. I mean, he played Andy Warhol in the movie Basquiat, but that’s not notable. Everybody plays Andy Warhol eventually. I think Andy Warhol said that. Then he died. However, then I looked at his musical output, and I realized that he made the soundtrack for some movie called The Buddha of Suburbia.

I don’t know what The Buddha of Suburbia is. I don’t really care. I tried to read about it a bit on the internets, but it seems pretty tedious and hard to parse, or harder than I felt was a worthy endeavor. However, the important thing is that Buddha of Suburbia is a funny name for a thing. I mean, it seems like a goofy comedy based on that name. Like Eddie Murphy’s Golden Child, but even sillier. Like, Chris Farley would have starred in The Buddha of Suburbia. A young Leah Remini would have played his love interest. Williams Atherton would be the bad guy. A dog would do a double take.

I doubt that’s what the real The Buddha of Suburbia is, though, but a man can dream. Like that dream I had where Basquiat was a cast member on Friends. I think he was in the Ross role, but I’m not sure. My dream didn’t do a good job of making it clear. Oh, I also don’t know anything about the music on the soundtrack, and I also don’t care about that.

 

You can find Chris Morgan on the Twitter

In Honor Of Swedish Medical Center

Posted by on Dec 16, 2014 in Existential Parachute Pants | 0 comments

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Somehow, in over 500 episodes, I have not managed to really discuss Tom Green, a major figure, some would say a scourge, of 90s pop culture. If you do not remember Thomas “Tommy” “Tom” Green, for a brief moment, he was sort of the king of lowbrow comedy. He had a TV show on MTV. Basically, he’d go around being a dick. He’d be a dick to his parents. He’d be a dick to his friends. He’d be a dick to strangers. Then he’d do something gross, usually sexual. That was the gist of it. A guy named Phil Giroux would sit in a window drinking coffee and laughing.

Even Seth MacFarlane took some shots at him, and he doesn’t really have a leg to stand on himself! 13-year-old me is very annoyed at modern times me right now, what with all my potshots at Green and MacFarlane. To be fair to Green, he has sort of cooled his shit down, but so much of his 90s stuff was so dumb and obnoxious and barely qualifies as anything, let alone comedy. Also, he had a song, and it was super popular.

The song was entitled “Lonely Swedish (The Bum Bum Song).” I know you want me to stop, so we can go our separate ways happy. I won’t though. Basically, the song was about Green putting his “bum” on things. Things like cheese. It seems to be sort of an anti-comedy bit. It’s so dumb, but Green seems to know that. It’s just dumb nonsense, but it stays within the parameters of what he did, which was annoy people and be a moron.

It is one of the less annoying things he did, and honestly if I were to hear the song, I could tolerate it. I also want to take a moment and say not everything Green did was awful. Once he had a fake studio audience and he took a chainsaw to them replete with fake blood. Anyway, “Lonely Swedish” became a big hit with the kids. It went all the way up to number one on TRL. You remember Total Request Live? A repository for screaming tween girls who love LFO? For whatever reason,  in my dreams it was rabble rousing irony, but it may have just been dumb teens being dumb, it reached number one on the charts. Admittedly, this is still probably the best thing to ever happen on TRL.

When it aired at number one, Tom Green retired the song from TRL. Apparently, it was because the next week’s shows were pretaped, not truly live, and the executives had not planned for the popularity of “Lonely Swedish.” If true, that’s funny. That’s the funniest thing about Tom Green.

 

You can find Chris Morgan on the Twitter

Nuclear Leg Drop Holocaust

Posted by on Dec 15, 2014 in Existential Parachute Pants | 0 comments

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Hulk Hogan is one of the most famous wrestlers of all-time. However, as any wrestling aficionado knows, his work rate wasn’t great, and his selection of moves were pretty middle of the road. After all, his finisher was a running leg drop. By modern standards, that’s, like, a move you do at the beginning of a match. It’s not even a setup move. Which is fine, you know. Things change. The thing is, Hogan’s finisher was known as the Atomic Leg Drop.

This, to me, is a level of unfounded hyperbole. Obviously, no leg drop is truly atomic. Not even Adam Bomb’s. Still, Hulk’s leg drop isn’t even all that impressive by the standard of leg drops. If he was a giant dude, I’d get it. if Yokozuna had leg dropped somebody, you could get away with calling it an Atomic Leg Drop. Some giant dude leg dropping, with all that perceived force, sure. Or a leg drop off the top rope. Hogan, though, while a muscular dude, wasn’t that huge by wrestling standards. He didn’t jump that high. His leg drop was by no means atomic.

I don’t know what level of force for such a leg drop I could abide. The Anvil Leg Drop? The Elephant Leg Drop? The Lusitania Leg Drop? This is for history to decide. I’m only here to point out problems and let other people solve them. And of course, the thing that needs to be solved is the name of the finishing move of a wrestler who is no longer active. You know, important stuff.

 

You can find Chris Morgan on the Twitter

The Sight Of The Smell Of Fear

Posted by on Dec 14, 2014 in Existential Parachute Pants | 0 comments

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I just watched Anchorman 2 for the first time. Anchorman the first is a great movie, and I thought Anchorman the second was quite good, but it is also ridiculous and super silly and stuff. It reminded me, first, of Rock ‘N’ Roll High School, but then I was reminded of the Naked Gun films.

I mean, Anchorman 2 is a little more reasonable and on track than the Naked Gun films, but it is close. The Naked Gun films are somehow even goofier and more ridiculous and slapdash, for better or worse. Of course, the two best things from this realm, the Police Squad! TV show and the first Naked Gun movie, were from the 80s. It’s Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear and Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult that came out in the 90s.

So, you know, there is less enthusiasm here. The second one is alright. The jokes are more hit or miss, but there is some funny stuff between Frank and Jane. I don’t need to see it again, but seeing it a couple times is all well and good. The third one is a different story. That one doesn’t quite work. They had stretched themselves too thin. Anna Nicole Smith is in it. They flew too close to the Sun on wings of puns and sight gags.

 

You can find Chris Morgan on the Twitter

Existential Parachute Pants: A 90′s Pop Culture Podcast – Episode 73: Goodfellas

Posted by on Dec 13, 2014 in Existential Parachute Pants | 0 comments

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As far back as I can remember, I wanted to avoid tritely referencing the movie Goodfellas while letting you know we discussed it this week. Success! Usually, we only discuss blockbusters and what have you, but Goodfellas is a well-known, much beloved movie and you can only talk about movies such as Batman & Robin so often. So, here we are.

Kubja!

iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/existential-parachute-pants/id680253940 Please leave a comment or rate the show or subscribe or do some combination of those three.

Twitter: @ExistentialPant, @ChrisXMorgan, @SethMacy Twitter at us.

The theme song remains “Her Favorite Bra” by Dan Emery Mystery Band. Now, go home and listen on your shinebox!

Some Sort Of Boogen

Posted by on Dec 12, 2014 in Existential Parachute Pants | 0 comments

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P.T. Anderson has a new movie coming out soon called Inherent Vice. In fact, by the time you read this, in some small, cool sections of the country, it will already be out. So, in honor of this film, which I am very excited for because I am a big P.T. Anderson fan, I wanted to link to the best scene from Boogie Nights, which is the scene with Alfred Molina and the drug deal. However, you can’t find it in its entirety on the YouTube. What you can do, however, is find it in two parts, based around the two songs from that scene. So, I am going to link to them both. There is some overlap.

You got your “Sister Christian

And you got your “Jessie’s Girl

 

You can find Chris Morgan on the Twitter

Capitalism Stole My Breakfast Cereal

Posted by on Dec 11, 2014 in Existential Parachute Pants | 0 comments

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Are you familiar with the cereal Cruncheroos? They have no connection to Dunkeroos, which were a snack that had a kangaroo for a mascot and involved dunking cookies into frosting. They could have just frosted the cookies but, I don’t know, that’s not fun? Who cares.

Cruncheroos, though, were a cereal that were basically Cheerios in two flavors, Apple Cinnamon Cheerios or Honey Nut Cheerios. However, they were called Cruncheroos. The market spoke, and they got removed from our society. This isn’t about cereal, though. Cereal isn’t pop culture anymore than stupid giant jeans are (shout out to Seth). It’s about the mascot of the cereal, a dude named Crunchasaurus Rex.

Obviously, Crunchasaurus Rex was a dinosaur. He was big and purple and he was steal people’s Cruncheroos and eat them in ads. Two things. One, Crunchasaurus Rex is a giant purple talking dinosaur from the early 90′s! Does he predate Barney? That’d be pretty funny. Everybody is all like, “Barney is the ur-purple dinosaur,” but, in truth, it might be Crunchasaurus Rex. I don’t have an introduction date for Crunchmaster Rex, though. Two, why do all these cereal mascots have to try and steal the cereal? That dude from Cookie Crisp. The Trix Rabbit. Barney Rubble. Crunchasaurus Rex is on the box for the cereal. He wears a Cruncheroos t-shirt, you know? He’s all about this cereal. Can’t you just give him some?

So, in short, if somebody is featured on your cereal box, they should not have to resign themselves to stealing said cereal. Unless it’s more advocation than desperation. Maybe they all just like stealing. Maybe it’s a thrill, or it gives them a feeling of accomplishment. Maybe they just like watching the world burn. If so, fuck these assholes. Fuck Crunchasaurus Rex. You can have my Cruncheroos when you pry them from my cold, dead hands.

 

You can find Chris Morgan on the Twitter

An Excuse For A Newfound Recurring Bit

Posted by on Dec 10, 2014 in Existential Parachute Pants | 0 comments

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You know what show had Christmas episodes? Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. Four of them aired in the 90s, including one called “Sabrina, Nipping at Your Nose.” Did Sabrina become Jack Frost in that episode? Was she freezing stuff? Or was this romantic nose nipping? Was their romance in that show? I have to imagine Sabrina had to deal with dating and boys while also being a witch.

I know only one thing about Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, and that’s the fact that Salem the cat was often represented by a weird, eerie, cheap looking fake cat, and I have grown to have an affinity for posting GIFs of this fact on this blog. That’s the only reason I am writing about this show I never saw. It’s not about the fact one of the episodes was called “Christmas Amnesia” which I imagine involves some classic amnesia hijinx. Maybe people were hit on the head with bowling balls.

Merry Salem-mas, everybody! Only, like, a couple more weeks until Christmas.

 

You can find Chris Morgan on the Twitter