Existential Parachute Pants: A 90′s Pop Culture Podcast

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Slobs V. Snobs, In A Squared Circle

Posted by on Oct 31, 2014 in Existential Parachute Pants | 0 comments


You know what wrestling needed more of? Slobs taking on snobs. Take, for example, The Godwinns versus Hunter Hearst Helmsley. You had your Henry O. Godwinn and your Phineas I. Godwinn, who were good ol’ boy Southern pig farmers. They did do an inverted DDT for their finisher, which I thought was a really cool move at the time. They’d also throw slop at people. People like Hunter Hearst Helmsley, known as Triple H to most these days. He was a real snooty dude. He wore tuxedos and was very prim and stuff.

Naturally, there was a feud, although honestly the feud may have just been Henry v. Hunter. Phineas may not have been a part of it, because HHH was just a single dude, you know? Yeah, I just looked it up, and Phineas didn’t debut until after this feud ended. They feuded with guys like The Headbangers and the Smoking Gunns. Anyway, Henry and Hunter met one another in an Arkansas Hog Pen Match, where, if I recall correctly, the goal was to throw your opponent into the hog pen, which was all dirty and stuff, and Hunter hated dirt!

Hunter also watched the match, but then through Hunter in the slop. It was some real Animal House type stuff, only without less monstrous characters. Animal House is garbage. Anyway, my point is where are the slobs, and where are the snobs? People love to watch them fight! Just look at that garbage movie animal house!


You can find Chris Morgan on the Twitter

The Legend Of Curly’s Obsessed Fandom

Posted by on Oct 30, 2014 in Existential Parachute Pants | 0 comments


The San Francisco Giants have won yet another World Series. And so, I am here to talk about the most prominent appearance from the Giants in pop culture. I speak, of course, of the movie The Fan.

The movie stars Robert DeNiro as a dude who is obsessed with Wesley Snipes who is a baseball playing man. I figure he takes things to extreme measures. Maybe death is threatened. DeNiro’s character’s name is Gil “Curly” Renard. That’s about all I know. I didn’t even bother reading the Wikipedia synopsis. I don’t care. I am not interesting in how the movie plays out. It rains at some points, I remember that from the trailer.

Also, did you know Benicio Del Toro is in this movie? And Jack Black in a small role. Also, John Kruk acts in the movie. If you don’t know who John Kruk is, he used to play baseball, now he is an awful analyst who at least is a mildly amusing presence in a booth. Unlike Harold Reynolds, who was an analyst during the World Series. In addition to being a terrible analyst who doesn’t seem to understand baseball, he has a grating, annoying personality with a terrible sense of timing and stuff. Also, I kind of like Joe Buck. I know a lot of people don’t, and he was over the top that one time he got mad at Randy Moss for fake mooning the crowd, but overall I think he does a solid enough job.

Anyway, I bet Kruk is a bad actor. And this movie was a bomb, and also it has an official soundtrack. I reckon Wesley Snipes other baseball movie, Blade II, is better than The Fan.


You can find Chris Morgan on the Twitter

A Plug With An Indeterminate Amount Of Shame

Posted by on Oct 29, 2014 in Existential Parachute Pants | 0 comments


Fans of me talking, are you in luck. You don’t have to wait until the next episode of Existential Parachute Pants, or to find episodes of my old podcast, Cheers, somewhere on the internet. I recently appeared on The Jeff Rubin Show with Jeff Rubin. We talked about my Mystery Science Theater 3000 book. You know, my book on MST3K? The Comic Galaxy of Mystery Science Theater 3000: Twelve Classic Episodes and the Movies they Lampoon? Yeah, that one. Anyway, we chitted, we chatted, and you can listen to it: http://jeffrubinjeffrubinshow.com/episode/131-mystery-science-theater-analyzed/


You can find Chris Morgan on the Twitter

Go Team Venture!

Posted by on Oct 28, 2014 in Existential Parachute Pants | 0 comments


As I was driving yesterday, I was reminded of a hilarious line from the television show Venture Bros. I have not watched the show in many years. I really enjoyed it at first, but then the show started wearing thin on me, and eventually I just gave up on it, because I was finding it more gross and creepy than funny. Also, it isn’t a show from the 90′s, but it was a show indebted to pop culture in many ways, including the 90′s, and including this joke.

Hank and Dean Venture, the titular Venture brothers, have run away from home, and are on the open road. Dean, the more timid of the two, is wary. Hank, in an attempt to cajole Dean to take to the highway with him, declares, “Can’t you hear the wind calling ‘Little Miss, Little Miss Can’t be Wrong?” This is, of course, a line from a Spin Doctors song, and not even “Two Princes.” I just find it to be an oddly perfect reference. I quote it often.

Well, I sort of quote it often. Here’s the thing. For a moment, I tried to recall whether or not I had written about this joke before. I remembered I had not, but I know why it felt familiar. Because, you see, when I first remembered it to myself yesterday, I remembered it as “Can’t you hear the road calling…” then I thought, “Wait isn’t it wind?” So I looked it up. It is indeed wind. However, on multiple websites, you can find things I have written where I quoted it as “road.” Well, you live, you learn, as Alanis Morrissette taught us.


You can find Chris Morgan on the Twitter

Unidentified Funky Ones

Posted by on Oct 27, 2014 in Existential Parachute Pants | 0 comments


Look, anybody can make fun of “Summer Girls” by LFO. They can call it stupid. They can say the lyrics are inane and nonsensical. And not in a fun way, but in a pointless, trite way. However, I say these detractors of the Light Funky Ones are selling them short. The song teaches us so much! Here’s some examples

The great Larry Bird wore jersey number 33. Now, the “great” part is subjective, but the rest of it is straight fact.

Michael J. Fox was Alex P. Keaton. Unshakably true!

Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets. Sure, he’s being a bit over familiar with William Shakespeare, but the fact remains true. Shakespeare did not just write plays. He wrote sonnets too.

His name is Rich. Nobody can deny this. The singer’s name is indeed Rich.

Chinese food makes him sick. This I will have to take his word on, but I trust him. So much of this ended up true, you know?

Knowledge is power, dudes. More like the Light Educational Ones.


You can find Chris Morgan on the Twitter

Monsters Keeping Their Evil In Check

Posted by on Oct 26, 2014 in Existential Parachute Pants | 0 comments


For Halloween, which is in the not too distant future, I wanted to post one of those clips from The Simpsons episode “I Love Lisa” involving “Monster Mash.” The episode in question involves Valentine’s Day, which is part of the joke. Bill and Marty accidentally play “Monster Mash.” Well, one of them does. I bet it’s Marty. And then he tries to defend it as a love song, because all the monsters are hanging out, keeping their evil in check. It’s very funny, and it involves a song that is tangentially Halloween-ish.

Alas, the clip is not online. Now, you could go watch “I Love Lisa” on the new Simpsons World website. Unfortunately, of the clips they provide for that episode, none of them involve “Monster Mash.” Also, recently I was watching Treehouse of Horror XX. It’s not 90′s, but it is a good later Simpsons Halloween episode. Some of the old school monsters are in its cold open, which is why I brought it up.

Truly, it was a graveyard smash.


You can find Chris Morgan on the Twitter

Existential Parachute Pants: A 90′s Pop Culture Podcast – Episode 66: Disney Animated Films

Posted by on Oct 25, 2014 in Existential Parachute Pants | 0 comments


This week’s topic is subtopics within subtopics, so allow me to clarify further. We discussed Disney’s animated films. However, this does not include Pixar movies. It also doesn’t include all of the traditionally animated films of the 90′s. Look, neither of us saw Hunchback of Notre Dame, OK? We mostly discuss Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, The Lion King, and Pocahontas. Also, we talk a lot about Greek and Middle Eastern food.


iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/existential-parachute-pants/id680253940 Please leave us a comment, rate the show, and/or subscribe.

Twitter: @ExistentialPant, @ChrisXMorgan, and @SethMacy You can Twitter it up with us if you so choose.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/epp90 A site that exists in a state of existential dread

The theme song remains “Her Favorite Bra” by Dan Emery Mystery Band. Thanks for listening duuuuudes.

Impractical Masquerades

Posted by on Oct 24, 2014 in Existential Parachute Pants | 0 comments


There is a Halloween episode of The Adventures of Pete and Pete. In said episode, Larger Pete is getting too old for trick or treating and stuff, so he thinks Halloween is lame. He hasn’t quite gotten to the point where Halloween is a party day, or old enough to just simply not give a shit, so he’s all mad. This intrigues a group of miscreants called The Pumpkin Eaters, who are, naturally, led by Endless Mike. They wreak havoc and stuff, and Big Pete does not join them and ends up helping Little Pete set a trick-or-treating record.

This is not about all that, though. This is about The Pumpkin Eaters. Here’s the thing about them; their choice for how to hide their identities is impractical. They wear pumpkins on their heads, all jack-o-lantern style. This doesn’t make sense for several reasons. First, it is time consuming. They had to carve the pumpkins out, and get all the gunk out of them. Otherwise, their heads would be getting all gunky. Second, they are large and cumbersome. Imagine trying to move around with a pumpkin on your head? It’s all clunky and stuff. Also, they are easily breakable. You break your pumpkin, you need a new one.

I will grant it to The Pumpkin Eaters that it gives them a notable aesthetic. However, there are so many other ways to cover their faces. So many masks they could buy. I bet they could even find a pumpkin mask. Instead, they went with real pumpkins. I suppose nobody said they were bright, especially not Endless Mike.


You can find Chris Morgan on the Twitter

Mystery Bands Not Involving ? Or The Mysterians

Posted by on Oct 23, 2014 in Existential Parachute Pants | 0 comments


So, in order to have a short post, I was going to post a music video and be done with it. It has dudes from 90′s Nickelodeon in it. The premise is basically that there’s this band, see, and their neighbor is Marc Summers, and he is not cool with the noise. For the record, I’m on Summers’ side here, because I am not a “groovy” teen, but an adult who respects people’s right to peace of mind and a sense of personal space and quietude. Anyway, this band, bunch of dicks they are, decide revenge must be had.

Who do they help them get revenge? Why, three more Nickelodeon dudes, all redheads also. There’s Mike Maronna, aka Big Pete. Also, the dude who played Bobby Budnick on Salute Your Shorts, and Ferguson from Clarissa Explains It All. They run a gamut. Maronna looks similar, but just older, like your typical human being. Budnick looks alarmingly the same. Like, he hasn’t grown at all and his hair is still long and it creates a real disconnect in me, a human who understands the passage of time. Ferguson looks super different, with a shaved head and stuff. Anyway, they helps them get revenge or whatever, even though, if anybody should be getting revenge, it’s Summers, but the world is a cruel, unforgiving place, even in obscure music videos by obscure bands.

However, I could not find the video on YouTube. Is the probably that I don’t remember the band’s name, or the song’s name? Probably. I’m sure it’s on there. YouTube never dies. I could have maybe searched on a searching engine and maybe found it, but I didn’t bother. Did I really care that much about showing you all this music video? I mean, I don’t even really like it all that much. It’s just related to the 90′s is all, and there is a degree of curiosity factor to it, and perhaps an amusement factor in concept if not in execution. So I just decided to let it be. It’s out there somewhere, for those who deign to search. I hope they find what they are looking for.


You can find Chris Morgan on the Twitter

Vinnie Stoker, The Cool Dracula

Posted by on Oct 22, 2014 in Existential Parachute Pants | 0 comments


What if I were to say to you that there was a cartoon about a school full of funky, freaky monsters? Draculas and Frankensteins and such. There was such a show, and it was called Gravedale High. At the center, was a regular dude teacher. Guess who played him? What if I told you he was a nebbish? That’s right, Rick Moranis.

Moranis plays Max Schneider, who is basically a Mr. Kotter type, only he’s not being welcomed back. Jonathan Winters was also a voice. And some other noted voice actors. The most important thing to know is that Vinnie Stoker was both a vampire, and basically The Fonz. A 50′s greaser vampire! The wonders! This is basically the greatest idea I’ve ever heard. How did this only last 13 episodes? Probably because people weren’t interested in it and the ratings were bad.


You can find Chris Morgan on the Twitter